Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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