9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The adults are the big ones right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
