Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
