I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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