Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
