He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
