can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
