if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
