There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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