Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
