I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
