doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
