I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
pray to the hookup gods
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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