do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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