32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
