i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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