That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
