I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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