Whod you bang
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
