we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
