she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
