I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
