You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
