I will die if light touches me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have post one night stand depression
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
