she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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