Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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