**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
