I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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