this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
