This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
