Soap is not a condiment
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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