I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
