Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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