You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
