I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
