Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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