I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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