Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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