guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
