I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
