Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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