what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
