remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my being single is dangerous.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
