Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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