I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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