I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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