why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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