oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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