At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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