i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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