Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
