it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
