There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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