his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
