He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
