You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
